U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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