Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
