see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
