hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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