She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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