Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
