dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
