Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
