so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it's great music for shaving your balls
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
