I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
