it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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