Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
