i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
