my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
