Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
