Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
