paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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