so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
