do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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