I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
