Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
