Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
