now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
