help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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