Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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