i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
