I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
