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Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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