The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.