I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.