He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
