My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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