You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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