Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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