I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
