Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
