I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
