So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
