apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
