I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize