life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He did a backflip because drugs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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