so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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