Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
