Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
