u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
