A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
