see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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