good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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