Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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