My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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