dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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