my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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