so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
