i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
