one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
