So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
