so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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