dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome