i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas