If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think your dad took our porno
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out