if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
