So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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