She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
